the beauty of choice

"Sometimes we praise because we choose to; other times we praise we because we want to.  Occasionally we praise because we have to- because, if we don't the rocks will cry out!  That's compulsory praise!" -Beth Moore

When I was looking at my Jesus, the One and Only  Beth Moore study before opening it, in so many words, I thought about how often I don't see God as loving but as separate and Holy- worthy of praise and a one sided relationship where I and every one of His children strive to serve Him in the best way we can and He will give us snippets of His mercy along the way until we reach Heaven when all of grace will be revealed.  I know this to not be true but I often live in that lie and in the "occasionally we praise because we have to"- occasionally has become my norm.  God doesn't want me to live like this all of the time.  He wants me to experience His full grace right now.

In Luke 1:78, Zechariah's song reminds us that God has tender mercy.

"He feels for us- not only when we are the innocent victims of a depraved world.  He also feels for us when we are drowning in misery as a consequence of our own sin.  He who knows no sin feels for us who do." -Beth Moore

God wants us to experience Him in the full measure of His grace, in a true relationship with Him; not making the occasional "have to" the norm- but because we want to and He wants to be in relationship with us through His infinite grace and compassion.  WANTS:  such a powerful word over need...it involves choice.  Jesus chooses us again and again and again and again EVERY TIME.  Every time we screw up; every time we fail; every time we have no strength left; every time we have a wonderful day; every time we follow Him and every time we go our own way.  He chooses us....wants us.

God decided to knock me over the side of my head with His love today.  I love His reminders of things I believe.  He tells us to come to Him in remembrance of Him, but so often He is the one reminding me of things and it has nothing to do with me remembering anything.

Another thing He reminded me of is that He isn't through with me.  This is something I think of daily and am so glad that God will complete His work in me.  In one verse, Luke 1:80, an example from John the baptist's life:

"And the child grew and became strong in spirit; and he lived in the desert until he appeared publicly to Israel."

Here's what Beth Moore said about this verse:

"Please note:  John was set apart from birth, yet God used time to mature him into a servant who knew how to wield the power of the Spirit he'd been given.  Beloved, God is into growth.  We are set apart from our supernatural births, but God uses time to teach us what to do with all we've been given.  God's Spirit is immutably and inconceivably strong, but we learn through many process how to apply that strength to and through our own lives."

AMEN.

God, thank You for romancing me today.  I choose You because You chose me.

just a quick note

Whoa, what a ride it has been so far!  I have currently lost 12.5 pounds.  AND here is the strangest thing, I don't have physical cravings for food anymore!  It's amazing.  I still want to eat food that isn't healthy for me but I don't feel the physical pull toward it at all.  Praise God!  Slowly but surely the Lord is leading me out of that pit.  Tomorrow I will be entering week nine of this weight loss journey.  I'm very happy and excited to see more come from it!

More on the Abraham moment:  I think God has given me the next step He wants me to take.  I'm still praying about it to make sure but some things I just don't think are coincidence. <--It's a vague update but hopefully I will share more when the picture becomes clearer.  I am discussing this with God-fearing people.  I thank God for the people God has put in my life that are confident enough to tell me what they have received in answer to prayer regarding my life.

On another unrelated note, I'm looking into making more fair trade purchases.  My eyes have been opened to needless slavery that's going on and I'm trying to figure out how to make purchases where I'm not indirectly employing mistreated slaves.  I'm trying to educate myself on this.  I will let you know what I find out and if I find any good resources to buying fair trade!

Abraham moment

Lately when I've been describing my relationship with the Lord, the word I've been using is rich.  It's definitely a summer season in our relationship and I'm enjoying every moment.  You know those sweet spots where you feel like everything is pointing to different things that the Lord is pointing out to you or it's all connected?  It's pretty great right now.  Even if I don't like certain things about my life at the moment, my relationship with the Lord is just rich right now.

I'm currently on vacation with some family on Hilton Head Island.  I don't know who has been praying for me to have an amazing spiritual refreshing time but it's happening, so thanks to whoever you are.  :)

To be vague, I feel like the Lord has been bringing me back to the story of Abraham and Isaac. You know the one where God tells Abraham to sacrifice his only son on the altar??  This is an account that I deeply struggle with because I have problems understanding why God would ask Abraham to do something like that.  For awhile, in my house church, we had a guest leader and we talked about this scripture and I voiced my struggle with it.  The leader asked me if God had ever asked me to do something that I just couldn't imagine doing- that seemed impossible.  That question has stuck with me. Here comes the vague part:  there's something that I've been asked to do numerous times.  Apparently, it's a gift that others see in me, point out in me and ask me to use it.  I'll be honest and say it's not a gift I see in myself.  I prayed that God would reveal this gift to me if it truly is something He wants me to pursue and use.  I prayed that it would be revealed to me and not just others.  The next day, in my quiet time, lo and behold, the story of Abraham and Isaac was brought up and you can't talk/think/process through that Scripture without thinking about faith.  Anyway, to make a long story short....this "thing" that people are asking me to do, is an "Abraham moment"...it's God asking me to do something that I deem impossible and can't imagine going through with it.  Therefore, it's something I'm going to have to wholeheartedly trust God with, jump in, obey and do it.

more about the journey

God revealed to me recently that I'm a runner.  And I'm not talking running for exercise.  I run emotionally from hard situations.  There have been times when I run physically, for example, I went to Hong Kong for a month after my mom died and I didn't want to come back.  Now I know that I run from emotion and turn to food or I turn away from food trying to gain control over one situation when I feel out of control in another situation.

God made us complex human beings but He wants to reveal to us who we are and more importantly who we are in Him.  If we aren't leaning on Him for EVERYTHING it's hard for us to see what God is trying to reveal to us.  I am so thankful that God is revealing so much of my heart to me through this weight loss/ food addiction journey.  The spiritual food I'm getting from the Lord is rich and delicious and I pray that it will stick and lead to maturity.

In 4 weeks, as of Sunday, I've lost 8.5 pounds.  I'm so flipping happy about that!  I feel smaller which is wonderful.  I feel more in control of my life which is good and I feel like I recognize when I want to turn to food for comfort.  As an example, I was mad over a situation last night and when I returned home, I wanted to eat chocolate but I wasn't craving it.  I wanted it for comfort.  I didn't eat.  My sister called, we talked about the situation and I ended up organizing my dvd's.  <--don't know why.  But realizing I wanted food for comfort in the middle of a situation is a GARGANTUAN step for me!

I'm stupid excited about what God has in store for me.

My church has started a study of the book of James.  Since I just finished Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore, I decided to start a commentary by Warren W. Wiersbe on James.  The whole first chapter of the study is based on James 1:1, who James was and why he wrote the book.  Wiersbe outlines 5 essentials to become spiritually mature.  They are:  1.) be born again, 2.) We must honestly examine our lives in light of God's Word, 3.) We must obey what God teaches us, no matter what the cost, 4.) We must be prepared for some extra trials and testings, and 5.) W must measure our spiritual growth by the Word of God.

At the end of each chapter are study/reflection questions.  Wiersbe asks, "Of these essentials (to become mature), which is the most difficult?  I think the most difficult for me is a a toss up between number 4 and number 5.  I don't want to be prepared for trials and tests because I don't want to have them.  If I apply it to my weight loss pit/journey that the Lord is delivering me from, I have to DAILY and sometimes minute by minute ask the Lord to help me prepare myself because sometimes chocolate seems like the answer when it's really the Lord who fills the hungry soul.  I love this quote by Wiersbe:  "When that time arrives (trials), you will be on the verge of a new and wonderful blessing in your life, a thrilling new step of maturity.  Even if Satan does turn on the heat, your Father in heaven keeps His almighty hand on the thermostat!"  That is a such a good thing to keep in mind when I want to run from trials or give in to them.

The next one I find most difficult would be measuring my spiritual growth by the Word of God because I tend to want to measure my spiritual growth by MY standards OR by comparing myself to others who I deem more mature than myself- the questions often arise in my head- 1.) Why can't I pray like that?  2.) How do they know just what Scripture to turn to right away?  3.) Why can't I have visions like that?  After I ask myself those questions, I turn to the thought of "Man, I need to spend more time with the Lord," instead of using the Word of God as my mirror and measuring tape.  Not only do I do this spiritually, I do it physically.  I compare my body to other women's bodies and think, "Why can't I be that in shape or that small?  I need to spend more time at the gym and eat less," instead of looking at the progress the Lord has made with me!

I love when the Lord is hammering something so deep within you that everything ties into the other thing and so on.  Well it's time to go get a butt kicking by Jillian Michaels....

vision

Remember when I talked about not having vision??  Well, the beautiful thing about the Lord helping me out of my pit is that He has given me vision again!  I have vision of being my confident self again...where I'm comfortable in my skin and food is in its proper place.  YAY!  It seems attainable now whereas before when I was trying to do it on my own it seemed completely far off, like it would never happen again.  Yay, God!

Just an update:  my niece's wedding was beautiful.  She was incredibly gorgeous and I'm so happy that I was able to be a part of her celebration!  I am one proud aunt!

relationship

Part of dieting/ losing weight is preparedness.  Part of getting out of a pit is clinging onto God for dear life and expectantly waiting for deliverance.

My niece's dinner rehearsal is tomorrow and her wedding is on Saturday.  I've been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to eat cake at her wedding.  As of now, the answer is no or maybe half of a piece.  Anyway, for her dinner rehearsal we are going to a restaurant I've been too before and it's a place where I have gorged myself in the past.  Yesterday, I looked at the menu online to see if there were things I could eat and stay on the plan.  There were and so I sent my niece a text to ask if we would all be ordering our own meals or if it was catered.  She told me they got a buffet.  My heart sank as I thought about all of the big metal pans filled with delicious pasta that I would have to pass up.  And I thought, if anything, I'll be able to have a big salad.

Today during my quiet time, it dawned on me that I was putting my faith in myself and not in God in that situation.  I didn't trust God enough for there to be things at that dinner that I could eat.  So, in response to that, I will pray and show up expecting there to be plan friendly foods.  There is stuff on their menu that would not throw me off so there will be at their buffet!

"Relationship.  That's one of the best things that can come out of a waiting room....God calls upon us to walk in faith because faith requires a partner to place it in." - Beth Moore