the beauty of choice

"Sometimes we praise because we choose to; other times we praise we because we want to.  Occasionally we praise because we have to- because, if we don't the rocks will cry out!  That's compulsory praise!" -Beth Moore

When I was looking at my Jesus, the One and Only  Beth Moore study before opening it, in so many words, I thought about how often I don't see God as loving but as separate and Holy- worthy of praise and a one sided relationship where I and every one of His children strive to serve Him in the best way we can and He will give us snippets of His mercy along the way until we reach Heaven when all of grace will be revealed.  I know this to not be true but I often live in that lie and in the "occasionally we praise because we have to"- occasionally has become my norm.  God doesn't want me to live like this all of the time.  He wants me to experience His full grace right now.

In Luke 1:78, Zechariah's song reminds us that God has tender mercy.

"He feels for us- not only when we are the innocent victims of a depraved world.  He also feels for us when we are drowning in misery as a consequence of our own sin.  He who knows no sin feels for us who do." -Beth Moore

God wants us to experience Him in the full measure of His grace, in a true relationship with Him; not making the occasional "have to" the norm- but because we want to and He wants to be in relationship with us through His infinite grace and compassion.  WANTS:  such a powerful word over need...it involves choice.  Jesus chooses us again and again and again and again EVERY TIME.  Every time we screw up; every time we fail; every time we have no strength left; every time we have a wonderful day; every time we follow Him and every time we go our own way.  He chooses us....wants us.

God decided to knock me over the side of my head with His love today.  I love His reminders of things I believe.  He tells us to come to Him in remembrance of Him, but so often He is the one reminding me of things and it has nothing to do with me remembering anything.

Another thing He reminded me of is that He isn't through with me.  This is something I think of daily and am so glad that God will complete His work in me.  In one verse, Luke 1:80, an example from John the baptist's life:

"And the child grew and became strong in spirit; and he lived in the desert until he appeared publicly to Israel."

Here's what Beth Moore said about this verse:

"Please note:  John was set apart from birth, yet God used time to mature him into a servant who knew how to wield the power of the Spirit he'd been given.  Beloved, God is into growth.  We are set apart from our supernatural births, but God uses time to teach us what to do with all we've been given.  God's Spirit is immutably and inconceivably strong, but we learn through many process how to apply that strength to and through our own lives."

AMEN.

God, thank You for romancing me today.  I choose You because You chose me.

just a quick note

Whoa, what a ride it has been so far!  I have currently lost 12.5 pounds.  AND here is the strangest thing, I don't have physical cravings for food anymore!  It's amazing.  I still want to eat food that isn't healthy for me but I don't feel the physical pull toward it at all.  Praise God!  Slowly but surely the Lord is leading me out of that pit.  Tomorrow I will be entering week nine of this weight loss journey.  I'm very happy and excited to see more come from it!

More on the Abraham moment:  I think God has given me the next step He wants me to take.  I'm still praying about it to make sure but some things I just don't think are coincidence. <--It's a vague update but hopefully I will share more when the picture becomes clearer.  I am discussing this with God-fearing people.  I thank God for the people God has put in my life that are confident enough to tell me what they have received in answer to prayer regarding my life.

On another unrelated note, I'm looking into making more fair trade purchases.  My eyes have been opened to needless slavery that's going on and I'm trying to figure out how to make purchases where I'm not indirectly employing mistreated slaves.  I'm trying to educate myself on this.  I will let you know what I find out and if I find any good resources to buying fair trade!

Abraham moment

Lately when I've been describing my relationship with the Lord, the word I've been using is rich.  It's definitely a summer season in our relationship and I'm enjoying every moment.  You know those sweet spots where you feel like everything is pointing to different things that the Lord is pointing out to you or it's all connected?  It's pretty great right now.  Even if I don't like certain things about my life at the moment, my relationship with the Lord is just rich right now.

I'm currently on vacation with some family on Hilton Head Island.  I don't know who has been praying for me to have an amazing spiritual refreshing time but it's happening, so thanks to whoever you are.  :)

To be vague, I feel like the Lord has been bringing me back to the story of Abraham and Isaac. You know the one where God tells Abraham to sacrifice his only son on the altar??  This is an account that I deeply struggle with because I have problems understanding why God would ask Abraham to do something like that.  For awhile, in my house church, we had a guest leader and we talked about this scripture and I voiced my struggle with it.  The leader asked me if God had ever asked me to do something that I just couldn't imagine doing- that seemed impossible.  That question has stuck with me. Here comes the vague part:  there's something that I've been asked to do numerous times.  Apparently, it's a gift that others see in me, point out in me and ask me to use it.  I'll be honest and say it's not a gift I see in myself.  I prayed that God would reveal this gift to me if it truly is something He wants me to pursue and use.  I prayed that it would be revealed to me and not just others.  The next day, in my quiet time, lo and behold, the story of Abraham and Isaac was brought up and you can't talk/think/process through that Scripture without thinking about faith.  Anyway, to make a long story short....this "thing" that people are asking me to do, is an "Abraham moment"...it's God asking me to do something that I deem impossible and can't imagine going through with it.  Therefore, it's something I'm going to have to wholeheartedly trust God with, jump in, obey and do it.

more about the journey

God revealed to me recently that I'm a runner.  And I'm not talking running for exercise.  I run emotionally from hard situations.  There have been times when I run physically, for example, I went to Hong Kong for a month after my mom died and I didn't want to come back.  Now I know that I run from emotion and turn to food or I turn away from food trying to gain control over one situation when I feel out of control in another situation.

God made us complex human beings but He wants to reveal to us who we are and more importantly who we are in Him.  If we aren't leaning on Him for EVERYTHING it's hard for us to see what God is trying to reveal to us.  I am so thankful that God is revealing so much of my heart to me through this weight loss/ food addiction journey.  The spiritual food I'm getting from the Lord is rich and delicious and I pray that it will stick and lead to maturity.

In 4 weeks, as of Sunday, I've lost 8.5 pounds.  I'm so flipping happy about that!  I feel smaller which is wonderful.  I feel more in control of my life which is good and I feel like I recognize when I want to turn to food for comfort.  As an example, I was mad over a situation last night and when I returned home, I wanted to eat chocolate but I wasn't craving it.  I wanted it for comfort.  I didn't eat.  My sister called, we talked about the situation and I ended up organizing my dvd's.  <--don't know why.  But realizing I wanted food for comfort in the middle of a situation is a GARGANTUAN step for me!

I'm stupid excited about what God has in store for me.

My church has started a study of the book of James.  Since I just finished Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore, I decided to start a commentary by Warren W. Wiersbe on James.  The whole first chapter of the study is based on James 1:1, who James was and why he wrote the book.  Wiersbe outlines 5 essentials to become spiritually mature.  They are:  1.) be born again, 2.) We must honestly examine our lives in light of God's Word, 3.) We must obey what God teaches us, no matter what the cost, 4.) We must be prepared for some extra trials and testings, and 5.) W must measure our spiritual growth by the Word of God.

At the end of each chapter are study/reflection questions.  Wiersbe asks, "Of these essentials (to become mature), which is the most difficult?  I think the most difficult for me is a a toss up between number 4 and number 5.  I don't want to be prepared for trials and tests because I don't want to have them.  If I apply it to my weight loss pit/journey that the Lord is delivering me from, I have to DAILY and sometimes minute by minute ask the Lord to help me prepare myself because sometimes chocolate seems like the answer when it's really the Lord who fills the hungry soul.  I love this quote by Wiersbe:  "When that time arrives (trials), you will be on the verge of a new and wonderful blessing in your life, a thrilling new step of maturity.  Even if Satan does turn on the heat, your Father in heaven keeps His almighty hand on the thermostat!"  That is a such a good thing to keep in mind when I want to run from trials or give in to them.

The next one I find most difficult would be measuring my spiritual growth by the Word of God because I tend to want to measure my spiritual growth by MY standards OR by comparing myself to others who I deem more mature than myself- the questions often arise in my head- 1.) Why can't I pray like that?  2.) How do they know just what Scripture to turn to right away?  3.) Why can't I have visions like that?  After I ask myself those questions, I turn to the thought of "Man, I need to spend more time with the Lord," instead of using the Word of God as my mirror and measuring tape.  Not only do I do this spiritually, I do it physically.  I compare my body to other women's bodies and think, "Why can't I be that in shape or that small?  I need to spend more time at the gym and eat less," instead of looking at the progress the Lord has made with me!

I love when the Lord is hammering something so deep within you that everything ties into the other thing and so on.  Well it's time to go get a butt kicking by Jillian Michaels....

vision

Remember when I talked about not having vision??  Well, the beautiful thing about the Lord helping me out of my pit is that He has given me vision again!  I have vision of being my confident self again...where I'm comfortable in my skin and food is in its proper place.  YAY!  It seems attainable now whereas before when I was trying to do it on my own it seemed completely far off, like it would never happen again.  Yay, God!

Just an update:  my niece's wedding was beautiful.  She was incredibly gorgeous and I'm so happy that I was able to be a part of her celebration!  I am one proud aunt!

relationship

Part of dieting/ losing weight is preparedness.  Part of getting out of a pit is clinging onto God for dear life and expectantly waiting for deliverance.

My niece's dinner rehearsal is tomorrow and her wedding is on Saturday.  I've been thinking a lot about whether or not I'm going to eat cake at her wedding.  As of now, the answer is no or maybe half of a piece.  Anyway, for her dinner rehearsal we are going to a restaurant I've been too before and it's a place where I have gorged myself in the past.  Yesterday, I looked at the menu online to see if there were things I could eat and stay on the plan.  There were and so I sent my niece a text to ask if we would all be ordering our own meals or if it was catered.  She told me they got a buffet.  My heart sank as I thought about all of the big metal pans filled with delicious pasta that I would have to pass up.  And I thought, if anything, I'll be able to have a big salad.

Today during my quiet time, it dawned on me that I was putting my faith in myself and not in God in that situation.  I didn't trust God enough for there to be things at that dinner that I could eat.  So, in response to that, I will pray and show up expecting there to be plan friendly foods.  There is stuff on their menu that would not throw me off so there will be at their buffet!

"Relationship.  That's one of the best things that can come out of a waiting room....God calls upon us to walk in faith because faith requires a partner to place it in." - Beth Moore

say it....OUT LOUD

Ok, cheesy title.  It's a line from Twilight.  But sometimes, I guess Edward Cullen covers it.

"Faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ."- Romans 10:17 NASB

"Your faith will be built by hearing your own voice speak the words of Christ."- Beth Moore

I knew the power of calling Satan out and rebuking him audibly in Jesus's name but I never knew the power of speaking out loud for my ears to hear to build my faith until I read this today and felt it in my soul with a Psalm I will share later.  I read silently and most of the time I pray silently or I write the prayer down.  It's time to change that practice!  Lord, help my unbelief!  I've asked for bigger faith before and now God is giving me a practical tool to make my faith grow!  YAY God!  And it's also another tool for me to get me out of this danged pit I keep writing about.

I'm SO thankful for the wake up call the Lord gave me last Saturday.  I finally feel like I have tools to get of my pit.  I know it's not going to be an easy road- this past week was anything but easy but the Lord encouraged me and helped me through.  I will keep crying out, confessing and consenting to the Lord all the way out of my pit.

"Beloved, God's will is for you to get out of that pit.  If you will consent to the process, waiting upon God as He begins shifting, shoving, and rearranging things for your release, you can go ahead and start getting excited, because it will happen.  Just as God promises in His word."- Beth Moore

These next 3 days I know are not going to be easy.  I'm going to have to be absolutely deliberate about making time to be quiet before Him and speaking out loud God's word to increase my faith.  I have a few prayer cards that I will be carrying around these next few days and I'm ready for battle but also excited to experience the Lord's presence.

"Show the enemy that if he messes with you, you'll just call out God's Word all the more.  Nothing does him damage like the Sword of the Spirit."- Beth Moore

These are the notecards I will be carrying around with me in the next three days and I will say them out loud as often as I need to:

• Father God, help me not to grieve, for the joy of You, Lord, is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)
• Powerful Lord, help me not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time I will reap a harvest if I do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)
• Lord God, Your word tells me that one handful with tranquility is better than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. (Ecclesiastes 4:6) Please set me free from the false security that comes from having more of anything than I really need.
• Lord, You fill the hungry with good things! (Luke 1:53)

I have just a few more quotes to share with you:

"We've let ourselves down so many times that now we're nearly hopeless.  In reality, however, we've given ourselves way too much credit.  We think we're too much for God to handle (addendum by me:  even if it's subconsciously!).  That the strength of our personal draw into the abyss exceeds the strength of God's draw to pull us out." -Beth Moore

"Feeling better is not what we're after.  This goal is freedom from the pit for the rest of your life." -Beth Moore

Last but certainly not least, I'm going to end with the Psalm I mentioned earlier.  I encourage you to read it out loud and let your ears hear it with the expectancy that it will increase your faith because faith comes from hearing as Romans 10:17 says!  I read it out loud this morning and I can't explain the peaceful joy that overcame my soul.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being praise His holy name.  Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."- Psalm 103:1-5

deliverance

In my first post, I wrote about my old journal that God told me to stop reading.  Today, I found out it was ok that I read it again.  I didn't think it would be this soon.  God and I are on a journey together and I have to completely depend on Him for deliverance out of my pit of weight gain and food addiction.

"God will never be codependent with you.  He will never pat your broken back and say, "Who could blame you for all of this?"  He wants You up on your feet, living abundantly, profoundly, effectively." - Beth Moore

I needed to hear this today.  Today marks day 6 of the strict diet/tool God gave me through my sister.  During this strict time, I'm supposed to see rapid weight loss.  Yesterday, I gained 1/2 of a pound.  Mind you, I haven't' cheated at all and yesterday was the hardest day I've had as far as craving junk food goes.  I figured that since the desire was so strong that if I fought through it and stuck with the plan I would be set up for a loss today.  No such luck.  I woke up this morning and weighed the SAME THING I did yesterday.  The last thing I wanted this morning was my dumb smoothie.  I wanted to throw in the towel...drown myself in bacon, pancakes and pity.  Alas, I said, "maybe tomorrow," made my smoothie, sat down for my quiet time, found out I could read my old journal again, and then read that quote I felt like was straight from God's mouth to my ears because I desperately needed to hear that the Lord will not attend my pity party and say, "Well, who could blame you for indulging after two days of no weight loss on the strict diet you're on?"  Nope.  Instead He would say, "Give me the glory.  Lean on me.  Not food.  I will give you the strength to carry on and I ALONE can satisfy that hunger in your soul for comfort." HALLELUJAH, the Lord is faithful!!

At house church on Tuesday, the Lord revealed to me a reason I wasn't ready to read my journal- that journal is where I gain most of my weight.  Now that the Lord is engraining in me that this is not only a physical journey but a spiritual one, I think that's why I'm ready to read the journal.  I don't know for sure- the Lord knows better than me but I read in that old journal today some notes from an old sermon and one of the points in the old sermon was this:  "God will give us what we choose but He will not leave us with what we get."  Thank the Lord because I choose some crummy things for myself.

Well, it's time to go workout, get on with my day and use the tools God has given me so far to get out of this pit.  "God will be your complete Deliverer or nothing at all.  That's the one rule of divine rescue....God absolutely refuses to share His glory....He may use any number of people in your life- friends, a counselor, a family member, or fellow believer- to come alongside and encourage as part of His process.  But He alone must deliver You...or you will never be free." -Beth Moore

defining the pit

One of the chapters I read in the Beth Moore book was about sliding or slipping into a pit.  I definitely think that's what has happened with my weight.  I never intended for one too many good times eating out with friends or stops at drive throughs on the way home from work or just some candy to make the day better would turn into 20 pounds of weight gain and leave me at my highest weight I've ever been.  Please forgive that last run-on sentence.  Last Saturday was my neice's bridal shower and I had a revelation during the shower.  Some pictures were taken and I looked terrible in each one.  Not because it was a bad picture but because I looked bloated- swollen- overweight.  I looked sick.  It's a pit I've slipped into.

I eat for comfort when I have a bad day, I eat to have a companion with a good show or a movie and I eat to celebrate.  Satan has told me a bunch of lies about food.  Food can be enjoyed and should be enjoyed but not abused like a drug.  The thing about my particular pit is that it's visible to everyone else.  I can't keep it a secret because it's all on the outside for everyone to see no matter how blousy/flattering my clothes are or how many restricting/sucking-in undergarments I wear- EVERYONE sees it.

Disclaimer:  everyone's struggle is different.  I, in particular, am a food abuser.  That is not the case for every overweight/obese person.

The Lord has provided a tool for me to use through my sister to help get me out of this pit and He has also given me encouragement through song, my sisters and friends.  He alone is my Deliverer and Provider.  On Sunday, the Lord and I had a moment during a worship song.  He reminded me that He never lets go through the calm and through the storm, through every high and every low, He never lets go of me.

being thrown into a pit

"Satan has no more effective weapon in his arsenal than to make us question- not so much whether God exists, but whether God is really good.  He knows God alone possesses the power and passion for us to be restored after nearly being shredded in life's killing fields.  For Satan to talk us into distrusting God and distancing ourselves from Him is to keep us broken, ineffective, and frankly, out of his hair.  Life offers no few invitations to fall into this kind of distrust." - Beth Moore

Life is hard.  Plain and simple.  No buts about it.  I always find it funny when people say God helps those who help themselves or God never gives us things we can't handle.  These statements simply aren't in the Bible.  If those statements were more Biblically refined I think we would say God helps those who realize they cannot help themselves and are nothing without Him and God will never give us anything HE can't handle.

There are things in my past that I simply could not have gotten through without the Lord.  I often feel like a broken record talking about my past specifically about my mom's death and anger with God after her death- how abandoned and lost I felt.  But... "...my past is part of who I am.  Part of who God is making me." - Beth Moore.  It's a past He entrusted me with to use for His good to help His children.

"Oh, beloved, you keep thinking about how things might have been had that not happened.  You have the capacity to be a ten times neater person healed than you would have been just plain well.  Your wealth of experience makes you rich.  Spend it on hurt people." - Beth Moore

I love when God speaks directly to your heart through a person.  Tears almost always come because I feel humbled and at the same time awestruck that God knew exactly what I needed to hear.  He knows the tender places of our hearts that need to be acknowledged.  Beth Moore is one of those people He speaks through to me hence the abundance of quotes by her.  I will end this post with one more quote by her.  What I love most about the quote to come is the permission that God gave me to get up out of my pit because Christ rose up out of His pit (the grave).  Those are fightin' words!

"Christ got down next to us in the grave, stayed the better part of three days, and then got up...so we'd have permission to get up too.  And start living life.
"Beloved, let this one sink in deeply:  if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren't picked on; you were picked out.  God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you.  Live up to it.  All the way up." - Beth Moore

so there's a pit

On most days, I journal.  And on those days, I typically read an entry from an old journal.  Yesterday, I felt like the Lord was telling me to put down my old journal for a bit.  I don't know for how long but I guess I'm not ready to read some of the things that happened in my life in that particular journal.  Also a book caught my eye on my bookshelf that I haven't read yet.  I got it out today and started reading it.

It's called Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore.  I'm a big Beth Moore fan.  The first chapter dealt with recognizing when you are in a pit.  She gave three points to help you recognize it.  You know you are in a pit when:  you feel stuck, you can't stand up, and you've lost vision.  In my first post I talked about being in a vulnerable state so that God could reveal vision to me.  To add on to that point, I may even be in a pit.  I didn't think I was in a pit until I read the first chapter of this book.

"Dim vision ages us rapidly, and we lose the childlikeness that once made us feel like real princes and princesses in a kingdom.  We can be young and yet feel old.  Heavy laden.  Burdened.  In a pit where vision is lost and dreams are foolishness." -Beth Moore

Whoa.

"We don't have to be in a stronghold of sin to be in a pit.  We just have to feel stuck, feel we can't stand up to our enemy, and feel like we've lost our vision.  That's all it takes to constitute a pit."  -Beth Moore

I'm excited about what God is going to teach me through this book and the journey we are about to travel together.

I'll leave you with one more quote from Beth Moore:  "Drawing from a figurative application, we'll define pit this way:  a pit is an early grave that Satan digs for you in hopes he can bury you alive.  Should you fall into it, make no mistake; he cannot make you stay.  Ironically, neither will God make you leave.  Like it or not, some things are simply up to us."

vulnerable

vul-ner-a-ble [vuhl-ner-uh-buhl]

-adjective

1.  capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon:  a vulnerable part of the body.


2.  open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.:  an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.


3.  (of a place) open to a assault; difficult to defend:  a vulnerable bridge.


4.  Bridge.  having won one of the games of a rubber

- Definition courtesy of the dictionary ap on my iPhone.

This is a scary world to be vulnerable in yet Jesus calls us to carry one another's burdens and love one another.  Both of those things require vulnerability.  I am so thankful that God tells His followers multiple times to not be afraid because He is with them.

I'm working on this idea of being vulnerable.  God revealed to me that I needed to work on it.  Later He also revealed that it was getting better and I was reminded to not be afraid because He is with me.  God is so faithful.

For God to reveal a dream He has for you or a vision for your life even requires vulnerability.  I'm currently seeking and asking God to reveal a vision that He has for me.

I've had blogs in the past and I really enjoy writing.  A friend of mine encouraged me to start writing again so here I am.  I'm just a follower of Jesus and I'm trying to walk with Him the best that I can.  I'd love for you to walk with me through this blog!